Thursday, August 30, 2012

Point Wali Baat - Err… Are You Sure?

For someone with Point Wali Baat as a twitter handle, that is a pretty pointless tweet.

Ajmal Kasab's Mercy Plea Will Be Processed Fast: Shinde

"

"If Ajmal Kasab files mercy plea, we will ensure that it is disposed of in minimum time," Shinde said when asked whether Kasab's execution would take time since he has the option of moving a mercy petition.

Link

That's being rather optimistic. Perhaps we should have Shinde define the term minimum time.

Shinde (just like every other politician) is used to making statements and then disappearing in the crowd when his assurances fall flat*. For instance, Shinde (Union Energy Minister, at the time) had said in 2007 'by 2009 every village in India would have round the clock electricity and by 2012 - every household in India would have round the clock electricity' [Link 1, Link 2]. We all know that didn't happen.

Here is another fun fact for you:

Afzal Guru was sentenced to death in 2004 for a crime committed in 2001. He filed a mercy plea in 2006 and it took the government over 5 years just to process his file and submit it to the President!?!

The petition (along with 10 others) is still pending with the President's secretariat.


* It would be unfair to simply highlight Shinde's incompetence when the rest of the government machinery is just as incompetent (if not more). That fact remains unaltered irrespective of the party forming the government. It could be the BJP or Congress or NDA or UPA - they are all equally incompetent and inefficient.

The fact most people don't realise is - The problem isn't just the political leadership / face of the government. The root of the problem is the bureaucracy. What you need to do is get rid of the bureaucratic bottle necks. Overhaul the IAS / Civil Services. Simply changing the face that gets blamed for the fuck ups is not going to solve anything when you aren't really addressing the problem!

In other words - Dikhaawon pe mat jaao. Apni akal ladaao.

Tuesday, August 28, 2012

School Wants Boy To Change His Name… Because The Name Violates The School's Weapons Policy!

Link

The boy's name is Hunter. He is deaf. He is three and a half years old.

The kid uses S.E.E (Signing Exact English) registered gestures to signal his name. The school's idiotic board is of the opinion that the use of such gestures is a violation of its Weapons Policy (rolls eyes).

The kid doesn't need to change his name, you retarded cunts! You need to implement policies (not just this one) while keeping in mind to use a bit of common sense (ever heard of it?) during the implementation process.

Die!!

Idiotic Headline

Picture 1 

What ACTUALLY happened? Read on:

"

"Mr Armstrong, you will be interested to know that the Prime Minister kept awake till 4.30am, so as not to miss the exact time of your lunar landing."

Singh recalled that Armstrong rose to the occasion, and said: "I apologise for the inconvenience we caused you, Madame Prime Minister. Next time, I shall make sure that we land on the moon at a less unearthly hour".

Link

Sigh… Some people just don't get it.

'When Armstrong told Indira to shut the fuck up' would probably have been a more appropriate headline.

Fucking illiterate cunts.

UP Minister Azam Khan Loses His Cool At Meeting, 'Abuses' IAS Officer

"

The minister was reportedly angry because the Principal Secretary and the Chief Secretary of the Urban Development Department were missing. When he asked the reason for this, the Special Secretary tried to tell him that the two were busy with some work. "They have gone for some work," he told the minister.

Little did the officer know that this would irk the minister and make him lose his cool. "Is the Chief Secretary above the government?," Mr Khan lashed out at him. And he didn't stop at just that. When the officer tried to give further clarification, he shouted at him and said, "Bakwas karte ho...chup baithiye...badtameez kaheen ka (Stop talking non-sense...sit quietly...you ill-mannered fellow.)"

Link

Firstly, I don't see how Badtameez can be termed as an 'abuse'?!

The only problem I see with Azam Khan's reaction is that he yelled at the wrong person. He should have yelled at the Principal Secretary and the Chief Secretary of the concerned department. They are the ones who deserved the lashing.

For someone who has to constantly put up with idiotic excuses, I can very well relate with what would have been running through Azam Khan's head. In fact, he must be given credit for stopping himself at Badtameez. Some of us just can't control ourselves when dealing with incompetence and insubordination.

"They have some work" !!?? That response is enough to set off just about anyone. What does the Special Secretary think is going on in the minister's office? Staff picnic?! Obviously it would have been related to work, right? It's not as if the minister scheduled a meeting just for kicks. There is no reason why one would want to subject oneself to the yapping of a bureaucrat unless one absolutely has to.

Whatever may have been the reason for the Principal Secretary and the Chief Secretary to miss the meeting, they should have informed the minister themselves. At the very least, they should have offered a written request / memo to excuse themselves from the meeting, citing their respective reasons. Opting to just NOT show up is not only annoying, but most disrespectful.

Monday, August 27, 2012

Patriotism is the conviction that your country is superior to all others because you were born in it.

- George Bernard Shaw

And people think that I AM too full of myself!? Haa!

Sunday, August 26, 2012

Koi Yeh Kaise Bataaye Ke Woh Tanha Kyun Hai

Kaifi Azmi…

Koi ye kaise bataaye ke vo tanha kyun hai
Vo jo apna thaa vohi aur kissi ka kyun hai

Yahi duniya hai to phir aisi ye duniya kyun hai
Yahi hota hai to aakhir yahi hota kyun hai

Ek zaraa haath badhaa de to pakad le daaman
Usske seene mein samaa jaaye humaari dhadkan

Itni qurbat hai to phir faasla itna kyun hai…

Dil-e-barbaad se nikla nahin ab tak koi
Ek lute ghar pe diya karta hai dastak koi

Aas jo tuut gayi phir se bandhaata kyun hai…

Tum masarrat ka kaho yaa isse gham ka rishta
Kahte hain pyaar ka rishta hai janam ka rishta

Hai janam ka jo ye rishta to badalta kyun hai…

The Cold Light Of Day

The plot is not nearly as engaging as it should have been. For a spy flick, this was extremely disappointing.

Henry Cavill does a decent enough job with a very average script. Looks like he just might be able to pull it off as the next Superman.

Saturday, August 25, 2012

Oh My God – Soundtrack

Mere Nishaan isn't too bad. 

The rest of the 'soundtrack' is … err… well I wouldn't term this as a soundtrack.

The videos doing the rounds on the tele are horrifying. I avoid all music channels now, because if I see that spineless Prabhu Deva (I can't believe he actually has fans. I have seen drivers and houseboys cleaning cars and still managing to look better than that junglee monkey) and Sonakshi 'Man In Disguise' Sinha, doing their ghaati number one more time, I am going to scratch my eyes out. The first time I saw the Go Go Govinda video, I actually puked. 

Thuu.

Heroine – Soundtrack

In my opinion, there isn't a single track that is worth listening to. Absolute trash.

Grief is the price we pay for love.

- Queen Elizabeth II

Rep. Akin (Dr. Dumb)

The idiot Todd Akin recently appeared in a television interview and provided further evidence that man can in fact survive without a working brain. In case you missed out on that, here is a part of it:

"

… when he said that a woman's body is capable of preventing pregnancy in cases of "legitimate rape" while explaining his stance that there should be no abortion exemption for rape or incest.

Link

Here are some of the brilliant cartoon strips after the cunt's Akin's dumbass statement.




 

The crap people search for!

Teri Meri Kahaani

If you don't have a story / plot, then why not wait till you have one and THEN go about making the film. Don't you think that would be a better approach?

Dumb film, don't bother.

Thursday, August 23, 2012

iPad Typewriter!?

Some people have just way too much time on their hands

GOI Blocks Twitter Accounts

NEW DELHI: The Union government has stepped up its efforts to stop what it perceives an online campaign of misinformation and rumour-mongering in the wake of Assam riots and has blocked several Twitter accounts, including two belonging to journalists, considered sympathetic to far Right in India.

…However, the blocking of Twitter account seems to be partial. The accounts have been blocked with the help of internet service providers (ISPs) and not Twitter.

Accessing the accounts from India shows web users a message, telling them that "This website/URL has been blocked until further notice either pursuant to Court orders or on the Directions issued by the Department of Telecommunications

Link

And THIS is a democracy?

Guess the Mamata Fever is spreading. Why do ISPs even entertain such ridiculous demands? Why can't the 'government' understand that idiotic actions such as banning / blocking only result in even more discontent and even more comments / posts / tweets of similar nature (this applies to 'governments' all over the world and not just India)? When will they learn?!

I am sure a better way exists to deal with the issue(s). Most definitely, this can't be the only solution. I would think of alternative solutions, but thankfully this isn't my problem. It is the government's job to think up and implement a sensible solution. I guess expecting ANY Indian government to come up with anything sensible is just expecting too much.

The government's view seems to be - 'This is a problem. Something MUST be done. This is SOMETHING, so let's do it'. I seriously doubt that anyone with a working brain would consider this as a sound approach in dealing with any situation.

BTW, the block works only if the accounts are accessed using HTTP and not HTTPS protocol. Just in case someone did want to access the 'blocked' content. Obviously there would another thousand or so workarounds.

Wednesday, August 22, 2012

Wednesday, August 15, 2012

Another Independence Day, Another Yap Session

Rewind to 2007. The 11th Five Year Plan (2007-12) has been presented.

The above table is from the official Planning Commission website [Link]. In case someone is interested in more details of the Planning Commission, click here

There were suggestions and statements made that every village would have electricity by the end of 2009. Not just that, but ROUND THE CLOCK electricity. In addition to that, it was harped on that every house in India would have electricity by 2012!

We had Sushil Kumar Shinde issuing statements:

"

“Central government will provide the electricity for all”, said Union Energy minister Sushil Kumar Shinde as government has proposed to enlarge the capacity of all the power projects in the country by the end of 11th five-year plan.

Link


That was NOT all. Shinde kept yapping about his 'master plan' even in 2008 when he reassured that EVERY VILLAGE will have electricity by the end of 2009.

"

All villages in the country will be electrified by December 2009, Union power minister Sushil Kumar Shinde said here today.

Shinde also announced that BPL people in every village would get free electricity connection under the Rajiv Gandhi Gramin Vidyutikaran Yojna, a central scheme. Today, the minister inaugurated a unit under the scheme at Goalpokhor, 100km from here.

Link


Lots of headlines, shit loads of media coverage, interviews, photo opportunities followed…

A few years later… on 15th August 2012 – one comes across a news article:

"

In his Independence Day address, Dr Singh said while almost all villages have been electrified, "our next target is to provide electricity to each and every household in our country in the next five years and to also improve the supply of electricity".

Link

In other words, what was supposed to have been completed in 2009 is pending even in 2012.

I just wish that there were news stories highlighting this as well and not just the Independence Day parade (waste of time and money, in my opinion). A simple recap of all the promises made, of all the deadlines missed.

It's not that I have anything against the UPA. In my view - all Indian political parties / coalitions are equally corrupt and equally incompetent. Things have reached a level where the problems can't be FIXED. The country can not be repaired. Absolute annihilation would actually be considered a huge improvement to the present day situation.


This post was for those of you who wonder why I show no interest for August 15th 'Celebrations'.

I received a text message in the morning and then got a call from another friend who wanted to know why I have no sense of PRIDE (thuuu) for the nation.

JFTR, what is highlighted above is just an example.

Dikhaawon pe mat jaao. Apni akal ladaao.

Tuesday, August 14, 2012

More Stupidity From The Indian Embassy – Kuwait

Illiterate idiots do not know the meaning of True Attested Copy!!!!

I have never come across so many idiotic individuals employed in the same place!

What is the use of staffing the embassy with idiots? The assholes can't even complete the most simplest of tasks. Might as well shutdown the embassy.

Worthless dumb fucks. Good for nothing morons.

Sunday, August 12, 2012

Men willingly believe what they wish.

- Gaius Julius Caesar

Ramdev Warns Of Big Revolution If PM Does Not Meet His Demands

"

As his fast entered the fourth day on Sunday and the government continuing to ignore the protest, Ramdev wrote a letter to Prime Minister Manmohan Singh, asking that his demands be accepted and suitable measures taken to implement them.

Issuing a fresh appeal and declaring a new deadline, Ramdev targeted the Prime Minister saying he has to show political honesty and political will on the matter.

Link

Shut up you cunt! Fucking menace to society.

I don't know why people think the government should react to Ramdev or Team Anna's drama. I don't know why the government ever did! Kal ke marte ho… Aaj maro. Dharti pe bojh. Nikamme chutiye, saale. I would love to see at least one of them actually dying from their Fast-Unto-Death (rolls eyes). Bloody social disease.

The government (not just the present one) has been ignoring everything. Even those things that no government should ignore have been ignored by Indian governments. Ignoring Team Anna and Ramdev is actually a good thing.

Mamata 'The Barking Bitch' Banerjee Barks Again

"

On Wednesday, Ms Banerjee addressed a public meeting at Belpahari in the once Maoist-dominated district of West Midnapore. After her speech, she asked the public, as she often does,  if they had any questions for her.

That's when Shiladitya Chowdhury, a farmer in his 40s, said, "What are you doing for farmers? Farmers are dying because they have no money. Empty promises are not enough."

Surprised by the farmer's question, Ms Banerjee reacted angrily and said the man must be a Maoist. The police immediately nabbed him.

After some questioning, the police let him go on Wednesday. But they arrested him from his home on Friday night for allegedly trying to disrupt the Chief Minister's meeting.

Link

In short – DO NOT tick off the loud mouth, good for nothing, annoying cunt Mamata Banerjee.

A while back she had claimed that international agencies were plotting to kill her [Link]. What ever happened to that? Is there anyway we can help those agencies?

BTW, Mamata 'Barking' Banerjee - If you don't want to answer the questions, then why do you bother asking the people if they have any questions? Don't you think you are the one who is responsible for disrupting the meeting (and the peace of mind of millions). Why can't you be a good girl and just die? Seriously… why??

Shiladitya Chowdhury is probably singing -  Changaa haunda sawaal naa karda… Mainu tera jawaab lai baitha.

Saturday, August 11, 2012

Free Phone For All Poor Families

"

NEW DELHI: In what could turn out to be its calling card for the 2014 general polls, the UPA government is finalizing a Rs 7,000 crore scheme to give one mobile phone to every BPL family.

Sources in the PMO said that the scheme, Har Hath Mein Phone, expected to be announced by Prime Minister Manmohan Singh on August 15, will not only aim to give away mobiles to around six million BPL households, it would also provide 200 minutes of free local talktime.

Link

Err… would you also be providing them with a house equipped with a generator to charge the battery of their free mobile worth INR 11,666 (70 billion divided by 6 million)?

No?! Why not? Surely, you are not suggesting that a mobile handset with free talktime is more essential than a house with electricity supply. Are you?? Is a free mobile more essential than… say providing food or education or vocational training or clean drinking water or clean public toilets?

IF any political party believes that with such a ridiculous scheme, it will be able to secure votes for the forthcoming elections – the party think tank clearly hasn't been thinking as much as it should. It would be better for the party in question to save the INR 7,000 Crore (70 Billion) for the horse-trading sessions it will have to participate in when thinking about forming the next coalition.

Perhaps THAT is what this is all about. Yet another way of looting the treasury. Oh come on, it is plausible.

What really got me riled up was Mani Shankar Aiyar trying to defend this crackpot idea.

When asked why couldn't the government use the money to have some infrastructure reforms instead (roads / electricity etc), this idiot Aiyar replied to the effect that INR 7,000 Crores was too small an amount to have any meaningful impact on the infrastructure.

We all know that INR 70 Billion wouldn't be remotely enough to fix the problems of this not so shining India. No one is contesting that. But there are some of us who are of the opinion that ALTHOUGH this money is definitely not enough to address all the issues, it just may be enough to… For example - set up a few homeless shelters across certain areas that could also feed some of the homeless or at least provide some relief from the heat-wave.

THIS is just one idea. I am sure a lot better ideas could be thought up if anyone actually cared (I don't. I really honestly don't. I stopped caring about that country and its people ages ago. Actually, I am not entirely sure that I ever truly did care. At times I just like to pretend that I give a shit, so I can have some material for a blog post).

Coming back to Aiyar's response - In simpler words, Maadarchod Mani Shankar believes that the best possible use of INR 7,000 Crore is the purchase and distribution of 6 million mobile handsets.

If the ruling party truly believes that the best use of a 'small amount' of INR 70 Billion is distributing handsets, then it is no surprise that the Indian Rupee (and the economy) has been taking a hit. Yes, we can finally stop blaming 'Global Cues' for the rotten growth rate. We now have a proper reason – Incompetence. 

Psst, Aiyar – here is a suggestion – take the 7,000 Crore and utilise that to get a brain transplant for the party think tank. In case some money is left from that 'small amount', get a brain to fill up that empty head of yours as well. 

Bunch of fucking jokers.

The Mentalist – Season 5

Picture 1

Series Premier – 30th September 2012.

Game Of Thrones – Season 3

Season 3 premiers 31st March 2013 with new cast members.

Long wait….

Tuesday, August 7, 2012

Chetan Bhagat – Again!

"

"Meri Naukri, Meri Chokri (My job, my girl)". Young India's rallying cry is simple. They want love, they want money and they want stature in society, says popular mass fiction writer and media columnist Chetan Bhagat.

"They want a good life and a great girlfriend. If your cause will help them get a good life, then they are with you. That is what young India wants. The social causes must be linked to this ambition," Bhagat told IANS.

Link

"They want love, they want money and they want stature in society…They want a good life and a great girlfriend" – Err.. Good guess, Sherlock!

My question to Chutiya Chetan Bhagat:

Who DOESN'T want a good life? Or is it that you went out interviewing young Indians and were expecting at some to reply – "I want a horrible girlfriend and a miserable life. I don't want love, I want to be hated. I would like to be poor and have no social status whatsoever" ??

For a really bad author, Bozo Bhagat sure gets a lot of attention / footage (another one of those mysteries).

Monday, August 6, 2012

Hunger Games

Definitely watchable. Not bad, but…

I feel the best film in this genre remains Battle Royale – I (BR Act). That was absolutely brilliant. Hunger Games (for me) – just didn't seem to pack the same punch and wasn't nearly as realistic as BR Act.

The entire part about the sponsors and treating the games as a reality show was cool (not entirely original, but that's fine). The climax was a let down. Just didn't like the idea of the 'organisers' giving in to the contestant. It seemed a bit too forced and should have been handled better.

That said, the film is definitely watchable.

Sunday, August 5, 2012

Suing The Devil

Ridiculous.

Could've been so much better.

The Crap Bollywood Could Do Without

 
 

Amisha Patel

:

Doesn't matter how many E's or I's she adds to her name - a shit actor will always remain a shit actor. Some years ago, there were these bunch of Amisha Patel releases one after another. In each of those films, every second frame that included Amisha had her crying (for one reason or another).
I never got over that and till date, if I see her in any promo or advertisement – I am convinced that she is going to burst into tears and make monkey faces at the camera.

Govinda

:

Simply put – Cheap. He can excel in B or B+ grade films. I can't tolerate such films or such actors. If I could have it my way, David Dhawan would never be allowed near a film studio.

Kajol

:

Ugly. Loud. Annoying. Wayyyy over the top and looks ridiculous in a dress. With a voice that sounds a lot like screeching tyres, I simply can not understand how ANYONE can tolerate her, let alone LIKE her.

Kareena Kapoor

:

Horrendously ugly face. Couldn't put in a proper performance if her life depended on it. Making monkey faces at the camera is NOT acting! Zero Figure to go with Zero talent and an extremely annoying face with an equally annoying set of vocal chords. Casting her for a film should be a punishable offence.

Ritesh Deshmukh

:

Never liked him. It has a lot to do with the fact that he looks / acts / sounds cheap. Could be because of the type of roles that have been offered to him. I am not particularly interested in figuring it out.

Sharman Joshi

:

Nothing against him as such but simply being part of a hit film doesn't necessarily imply that one is a good actor. I am aware that he has been cast in a lot of hit films but that doesn't change the fact that the guy has absolutely no personality to speak off and is unnecessarily loud.

Sonakshi Sinha

:

Must put in a lot of work, not just for her acting but also her looks. She NEEDS a really good costume department to make herself look presentable. As one can see from her appearance in various award functions (and some promos) - when she doesn't get a good costume department to work with - she looks like a man in disguise and dances like a man in a horrible disguise.

Sonam Kapoor

:

Overrated. Ugly. She should thank the media for hyping her non-existent talent. She is incapable of looking even remotely enticing. Laughs like a chipmunk on dope and does a lot of that for no apparent reason. She hasn't grown up yet and doesn't seem like she ever will.

Tushar Kapoor

:

Another one of those idiotic actors who can't decide if he wants an extra U or S or A or P in his name. I wonder when these people will realise that the problem is NOT with the way their names are spelt. Solo hero film or a multi-starrer, you can always count on Tushar to be a complete waste of screen space and film reel.

Vidya Balan

:

Loved her in Parineeta. The way she was dressed, the way she spoke, the way she performed, the way she looked. Everything. Haven't been able to tolerate her in any film post Parineeta.

Please note - SRK and Aishwarya Rai Bachchan are included in all such lists, by default. The reasons for them being included have been well documented all over the web and there was no need to replicate the same for the purpose of this blog post.

Team Anna Goes Political, Calls Off Fast

"

NEW DELHI: Almost a year after his Ramlila Maidan fast for a Lokpal took the nation by storm and brought the government to his doorstep, Anna Hazare and his colleagues broke their "indefinite" fast on Friday on a much more low key note.

Team Anna vowed to "cleanse politics" but its decision to plunge into electoral politics is seen as a response to the anti-corruption movement's reduced traction that encouraged the government not to offer Hazare an olive branch by way of negotiations.

Link

So the Fast-Unto-Death thing was just to make a good headline, eh?

Sigh… don't know why I am surprised. Indian politicians (even those pretending to be 'activists') rarely keep their promises. Guess we will have to wait for Anna to die off (intehaa hogayi, intezaar ki).

Ever wondered why the boring / idiotic / annoying ones seem to live a hell lot longer than they should?!

Saturday, August 4, 2012

Going For The Gold - US Election Olympics

Ajeeb Dastaan Hai Ye

Shailendra…

Ajeeb dastaan hai ye
Kahaan shuru kahaan khatam
Yeh manzilein hain kaunsi
Na woh samajh sake na hum

Yeh roshni ke saath kyon
Dhuaan utha chirag se
Yeh khwaab dekhti hoon main
Ke jag pari hoon khwaab se

Mubaaraken tumhe ke tum
Kissi ke noor ho gaye
Kissi ke itne paas ho
Ke sab se door ho gaye

Kissi ka pyaar leke tum
Nayaa jahaan basaoge
Yeh shaam jab bhi aayegi
Tum hum ko yaad aaoge

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